Comrade Boris?

Perhaps the end times are near. I have just heard that the Tories, the fucking Tories, have just announced a raft of socialist policies to deal with the economic and social effects on the pandemic on the UK. This is easily the most unexpected aspect of the whole affair so far. I mean, I was preparing a long polemic on how only through socialism will the world be able to survive this and future pandemics, and Boris fucking Johnson, that melted custard tart stuffed with horse manure, has beaten me to it.

Ok, I first heard that the UK government was going to pay 80% of salaries for businesses that have forced to close during the crisis. But on quick inspection, the actual figure is up to 80%. The dreaded up to. Meaning it could well be a lot less. And the self-employed and gig workers are not going to be covered by this.

But at least it’s something. I mean, the Irish Tories have made no such concessions. Sure, our fearless leader Leo Varadkar has been praised for his speech to the country a few days ago, despite saying nothing new or of substance. He’s just a media whore, trained for the camera, and he is being fawned over. Despite being hammered in the recent election, suddenly his and his party’s popularity is on the rise again. They are not even out of government post-election yet. Fucking hell.

But anyway, back to the UK Tories. There must be a flaw in this plan. Surely there is something rotten underneath it all. My mission for the weekend is to uncover what.

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